He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
