Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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