yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
