I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
