jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize