Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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