ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize