The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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