Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
