Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
