i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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