We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
