Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
