what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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