What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
