Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well I can't set my house on fire every night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
