My room smells like vodka and shame
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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