how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
