just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i dont even know how to be here
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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