so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He felt like a one man threesome
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
