What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
