There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Please don't give away my fajitas
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
