This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
