She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
