Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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