i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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