Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
