Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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