If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
