Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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