Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
