Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

(1-206): View more from Washington

Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

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(206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r

Replies (8) Good night (1332) Bad night (1987)
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(720): View more from Colorado

morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.

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(720): morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore. http://tfl.nu/srrk

Replies (23) Good night (1129) Bad night (3436)
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(408): View more from California

and pubic hair rears its ugly head again

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(408): and pubic hair rears its ugly head again http://tfl.nu/ouhf

Replies (72) Good night (704) Bad night (3481)
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(949): View more from California

i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.

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(949): i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole. http://tfl.nu/wmi4

Replies (37) Good night (703) Bad night (3199)
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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.

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(217): I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage. http://tfl.nu/wgul

Replies (31) Good night (1305) Bad night (3898)
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(770): View more from Georgia

His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

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(770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf

Replies (21) Good night (6213) Bad night (1103)
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(914): View more from New York

She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.

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(914): She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles. http://tfl.nu/pzt3

Replies (19) Good night (2039) Bad night (6527)
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(810): View more from Michigan

I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.

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(810): I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure. http://tfl.nu/tlfm

Replies (5) Good night (1207) Bad night (1848)
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(406): View more from Montana

I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?

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(406): I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete? http://tfl.nu/gioo

Replies (9) Good night (2233) Bad night (890)
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(823): View more from

Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?

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(823): Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning? http://tfl.nu/98fh

Replies (5) Good night (1163) Bad night (737)
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(619): View more from California

He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.

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(619): He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating. http://tfl.nu/k9pn

Replies (9) Good night (963) Bad night (2431)
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(226): View more from Ontario

I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.

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(226): I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules. http://tfl.nu/1b9q

Replies (3) Good night (1153) Bad night (646)
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(574): View more from Indiana

most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water

(1-574): View more from Indiana

desperate times, desperate measures

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(574): most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water (1-574): desperate times, desperate measures http://tfl.nu/2k3a

Replies (8) Good night (632) Bad night (1102)
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(757): View more from Virginia

If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.

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(757): If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably. http://tfl.nu/joah

Replies (3) Good night (591) Bad night (402)
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(785): View more from Kansas

These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.

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(785): These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building. http://tfl.nu/4gcf

Replies (3) Good night (304) Bad night (489)

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