I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
