I think I won the penis lottery.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha