omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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