I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.