every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.