it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
