Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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