Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
