My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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