I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
