need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
