at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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