tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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