I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You don't make any sense
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