that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
