Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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