hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
