I heard we made out
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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