he was CRYING into my vagina
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
