someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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