We got so high we made milksteak
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
