So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
