if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
