So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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