I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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