Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Of course I have a pirate flag
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
