but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
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I think my nap took me to another dimension
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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