You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
