The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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