I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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