That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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