her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
