Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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