SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
third nipple confirmed
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My Sexting was not on an AP level
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
