please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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