8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You smell like stripper and shame
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
