WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize