Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
