there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
