It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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