hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
