Nicole vs. Life
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
