Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Another day, another engagement, another cat
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
