I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
