A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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