I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
