and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
