I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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