all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
