Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
