Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
