in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
