no, he came in my armpit
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
