Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
