bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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