Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
