my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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